Reprinted from Huffington Post
It’s quite astounding how Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook have changed our world over the last decade. Whether you follow the news or not, most are well aware of Facebook’s initial public offering. The list continues to expand regarding who will soon become millionaires and billionaires. Many on this list, including Zuckerberg, are brilliant entrepreneurs.
It is widely recognized that people who strive for excellence and succeed share certain traits. Many are type A or have perfectionist personalities. Most have an ability to tolerate high stress and/or exist on little sleep. Some are off-the-charts gifted and highly creative. Many befriend fear and are risk takers. However, there is one important characteristic that most successful people share: the ability to remain extremely focused. Apparently Zuckerberg’s success can be partially attributed to this.
There are many excellent lessons I have learned from observing high achievers. When I am counseling folks on the mend from a breakup or divorce, I urge them to stay intensely focused on their recovery. Although this sounds completely logical, in actuality, it can be quite challenging. Most divorces are devastating, and during and after the dissolution of a marriage emotions are undulating in ways that can seem inconceivable and unpredictable. The stress associated with adjusting to a new life can feel insurmountable and unmanageable. And many make the classic (and normal) mistake of overly focusing on their ex instead of focusing on their own care.
Even with a divorce at hand, if you can focus on yourself, the benefits will be way worth it. So let’s take a lesson from those who move mountains and commit to focusing your way to a complete recovery.
Five Ways to Focus on Your Recovery:
1. Focus on your healing. Healing from a divorce takes time and really shouldn’t be rushed. Focus on taking excellent care of your physical health. Make sure you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Be careful not to over indulge with food and alcohol. Focus on taking care of your mental health. Be sure to process your emotions — especially the more complicated ones such as anger, fear, and guilt.
2. Focus on building a support system. Support from a variety of sources will help you in many ways. It will combat loneliness and validate your experience as it provides an audience to talk through your story. Talking equals healing. Don’t be shy and do reach out for support from friends, family, colleagues and professionals.
3. Focus on understanding why your relationship ended and what part you played in it. Make a point to comprehend why you picked your ex as your lover, how you behaved during the course of your relationship, and how you mourned your breakup. I call this vitally important exercise “Creating Your Personal Love Map.” By doing so, you will acquire astounding information that will raise your emotional intelligence sky high and allow you to participate in healthier and improved relationships going forward.
4. Focus on being an excellent parent and co-parent. Children do best in environments where there is stability. Accept your fate, make peace with your ex, and learn how to co-parent effectively together.
5. Focus on letting go and moving on. Letting go is indisputably one of the hardest things to do after a relationship ends. We tend to hold onto many negative things such as old wounds, anger, and revenge fantasies. Many also hold on to unrealistic hopes of reunification. The sooner you let go of the past the better you will feel. Then you can focus on rebuilding a remarkable life for yourself.